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One Under Par
Volume 6, number 2

A Newsletter fromKeyGolf.....April, 2005

The Wonderful Word of Golf

Nope, not a mis-print. Wasn't meant to be “world of golf,” which is another issue altogether.

What we want to illuminate this month is the word, (or the words), that embrace(s) some of the popular, fascinating, over-utilized cliches that come from the mouths of commentators, pens of sports writers, and the afterthoughts of players who goofed.

In many cases, and quite often, we need an antacid, an elavil, an advil and maybe even a couple of steroids to be able to calm ourselves when we hear things like the “goto shot,” and the “bail-out spot.” If a player is so tentative that s/he needs either one of those, s/he best follow Vijay's example and put a glove under the armpit, a coke bottle to insure a correct club path, and a shaft stuck in the ground to confirm a proper swing plane. We keep wondering how many times he needs to do that before he really knows how. We wonder if he practices kissing before he saunters up to his wife to say hello, goodbye, or goodnight.

(Actually, we see his actions as reflecting the Analyzer playing style, so if he is that, it's natural to practice that way. If he is not that, then he is attempting to move outside his style, which might be quite different. Since we haven't done his profile, what we see is all we get).

We are sure you hear the tongue-in-cheek, but the truth is, this is serious business. If we have made few gains in our self-understanding and ability to use it, we may well keep on saying things that lead to actions which betray a lack of comprehension and knowledgeability. That can leave us hoping that somehow, something called success may drop in for a visit. If that is the case, then perhaps we need to resign ourselves to reap whatever mediocrity comes through the defaults in human experience. You must be your own judge.

Take “bail out.” Why in the world would anyone line up for a “bail-out?” If you are that good, go for the pin. If you are a victim of doubt, then go back to the range and learn how to hit a golf shot with some reasonable consistency so that you don't need a “bail-out” spot. If what they mean to say is “Avoid going for a 'sucker” pin position,” that may have some relevance, but to signal oneself with a pre-planned ”bail-out spot” and still expect to be a ”pin-seeker,” is to provide two different targets for a non-discriminatory system. May work once in awhile, but sooner or later, it will grab you by the pinch of reality.

We once wondered where golf commentators came up with stuff like “bail out.” No more. We now know that it is a hangover (what? no advil in the kit) from their own playing days or what they have heard from some other player. So THEIR anxiety is forthwith projected onto whomever they are observing. In their experience, they needed a “safety” and didn't get it, so they maintain their worry right on through their retirement and attempt to shed it by dropping it on those now walking the fairways. But maybe the player they are observing is in that boat as well. We just aren't privy to that part. We are however, right in the gun-sight of the announcer and probably most don't even notice.

Now consider the “goto” shot. What in heaven's name does that even mean? “I am such a klutz that my usual shots just won't work under pressure so I think I need to work really hard and come up with one shot that will be like a “rescue club” (another goody). If you can find such a shot, why would you need anything else? Just get yourself a “goto” shot and your game will be complete. A complete player ought to be expected to have all ”goto” shots, but be made up by a variety of situations and circumstances. We suppose that would be based on having knowledge and habits that were suitable to a complete game. Just don't fret when you knock every chip and putt so far past the hole that you cannot get back in less than “two more” while using your lonely "goto" shot. If you really need such a shot (“goto”), maybe you should take up fishing or tire changing or something that is dependable. What's wrong with a game that has developed the ability to hit the shot that is required for the result desired?

Last time any one said to me “Goto,” they followed it with a reference to the nether region.

Now says the announcer, “This is one tough putt,” or “Nobody has made that putt all day,” followed by the player draining it. If the putt misses, we hear “He almost made it, must have been a misread” or ”See. They can't get the speed right.” Such has to go down as among the no-brainers of the century. It is uncanny how often rambling predictions are missed and then perfectly caught on the replay.

“He won't do it” and he does. “He hasn't missed all day,” but he misses this time. That is usually followed by “It's just a matter of getting it all together,” succeeded by comments about players that have gone “brain-dead.” They need to reckon upon commentators that have gone brain-dead before they hit the airways with projections laid off to players. Or perhaps that is a prerequisite for such work.

Did you ever try turning the sound off and just watch the golf? It is fascinating. It's more like being there where one is not subjected to hearing someone tell you what you just saw. “Did you see that? He missed it!” Nope we missed it too. Had to open the refrigerator.

But it isn't all on the telly. Check out some of the “golf online” kinds of websites, where “tips” are billed as the “goto” for surfers. One of the biggies is “keep your stats,” which we suppose is in reference to a data base of study to make you “get better.” It does provide an interesting graphic, especially if you use dotted lines to show the up's and down's. We do wish that someone could tell us in what way, keeping such data produces better swings and greater playing ability. It may chase you to the practice area to work on something in particular, but if you are only aware of your needs through keeping stats, you are in big, big trouble. It reminds us of the guy in the commercial that wants to lose weight, so he steps on the scale to get his “stat,” then runs around the room once, jumps back on the scale, sees the same stat and lashes out at the stat counter.

In this connection, we wonder how many players consider the effect of their playing styles on the stats they keep. All four styles can come in with the same score and totally different stats, based on nothing but the natural influences of their styles. Persuaders might go crazy with that. One day it's 30 putts and shoot 75. The next day, it's 38 putts and shoot 74. What do those stats tell you? What we already know - that Persuaders tend to play “army golf.” One day it's in the putting. Next time it's in GIR. It's a game, folks. It's not a mechanically oriented bookkeeping necessity intended to prevent pleasure until the stats are “right,” as assessed by some fictitious standard.

So why do we mention such things? Our thought is that we hope one day, all of those not engaged in playing golf for a living may find their way back to the primary objective of the re-creational value of the game. It's one thing to own a commitment to something. It may well be another to be owned by that same something. Worse yet, are the signs and symptoms of slavery. We start to believe, incorporate and try to live by meaningless words and phrases associated with that which owns us. If that's fun in your book, then keep digging, you may yet find a pony under that pile someplace!

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